Responsible growth…this is what’s stuck into my mind since I finished reading Laura Munson’s book “This is not the story you think it is: a season of unlikely happiness”. It is about the struggle of a middle aged woman, a promising American writer who tries to keep her marriage together. “It’s about the process of self-responsibility…a story written in love, to help people”.
What makes her case special is the way she chooses to fight in order to keep her husband close – very quiet and patient on the outside, taking the non-controlling behaviour, but tumultuous and inspiring on the inside.
Because they both believe in Rilke’s philosophy about marriage “in which each partner appoints the other as the guardian of each other’s solitude”, the author decides to give her husband all the space and time he needs and support him hit bottom and rise up again, like f* “Mr. Rising Phoenix”. But at the same time, this is an opportunity for her to grow as well and be the enduring compassionate wife.
Because in order to keep the passion alive and fire burning in a relationship, we need to give it space “and let the winds of the heavens dance between you”, how Kahlil Gibran so wisely put it in his poem “About Marriage” from “The Prophet”.
Unlike most women who want to show their strength and speak up for what they believe in, Laura gives her man the benefit of the doubt and supports him while going through his Midlife crisis. Because we know it by now, it’s not a matter of if, but when men have to face this challenge. She thinks that not confronting her husband and not reacting to his “baits” is the best approach even if there is a heavy battle within her soul and mind going on.
She is so full of understanding and credulous in her attempt to be the cool wife that you, as a reader, would sometimes like to give her a push and wake her up. But no, Laura goes patiently through her summer ordeal trusting her instinct and not really listening to her sabotaging inner voice “Sheila”.
With the help of her therapist, the author tries various tactics to win back her husband like the list of a responsible separation or the pickle jar philosophy. She is aware of her beauty and age, but mostly of her inner strength and positive mindset, while taking care of her children as well.
Refusing to argue and throw blunt accusations to confront her confused husband, Laura is convinced that she takes care of herself and protects her family, therefore not suffering anymore. This could sound a bit strange because it brings us to an interesting dilemma: should we keep our thoughts and frustrations to ourselves, stay quiet and digest everything before saying a word or should we be honest and spit everything out, thus not risking a tumour or other hidden emotional disease?
I think it depends on the gender, on how different women and men react in any crisis. The first need their 14.000 words to express their feelings, the latter prefer to run away and hide their feelings. Well, in her autobiographical novel, Laura does exactly the opposite from what is expected, from what her women friends’ advice her to do: she keeps her calm like a man, despite her own middle-age crisis!
Without spoiling the end, I must confess this book surprised me and made me secretly look forward to the next move and chapter, waiting to see how much more the main character can hold on and keep her calm. I was anxiously open to more surprises popping up on the way.
With its fine humour and insights, this book can really get through to the heart of many people and truly help them on their own life journey. Personally, it made me look at relationships from a different perspective and reconsider the primary instinct to fight or flight. I could definitely try some of her tactics and maybe even borrow a bit of her wisdom.
One more thing which made me connect with this story is the fact that the author, before becoming famous with her novels, used writing as therapy during her summer crisis. This book was her trusted journal, a sacred intimate space where heart and soul and mind secretly met to create and heal at the same time. So I guess we all need to find a way to take care of ourselves on our path to inner self and self-growth.
And we are definitely the only one responsible for our own happiness, „unlikely” or not, even if it means “just one small step out of suffering”.
Here it is the link to this book which is not the one expected to be. Enjoy it and take notes carefully!