Hot summer days can predict big storms.
It was a hot summer day, when school and kindergarten were over, when work was less and less important and when everybody’s mind was already in holiday mood. Agitation was everywhere, fusses around little stupid things which divert you look from other important things and people. People with emotions you don’t see are far away from actually feeling them. There are just words in the air, planning the summer trip, scheduling our day and organizing our life. Oh, how much words and talks take away our observation and action and yet how much we need them to communicate.
But what is there to communicate when mind and soul are somewhere else…far away from you? So you go on doing the things you are good at, never mind the whispers in your ears nore the voices from your head.
Nothing openly predicts the summer storm which is about to come and ravish our lives.
The idilic picture before the storm
So we pack our bags, fill the trunk with half useless things and start the voyage.
Everything looks promising, like many things in life when we prefer to look away, far from our own inner soul full of fears covered in everyday duties. Landscape looks nicer, the other house looks bigger, another car is fancier and more importantly, the family of others looks more interesting.
We seem to be bored of what we see every day and we look for something new. So where do we look? Probably at work where we spend most of our daytime, maybe on the street or where we need to do our weekly grocery and maybe we even fantasize while watching a movie.
It’s easier to run away, to take a break from what’s allegedly so well-known and have a Kit-cat, something we hope we’ll sweeten our boring predictable life. We might even think about spicing it up a bit and pretend we had to, there was no other choice in front of us.
So we put our partner(s) in the same place, we pretend to have it all and act like nobody’s watching, like they don’t know or feel anything. Except that some do feel it and everything turns into a cheesy masquerade where the main actor plays the victim, tormented between his own demons, fears and guilt.
Runaway strategy
It’s always the other one we tend to blame in any relationship, it’s never us who did something wrong. So instead of looking a bit inside, trying to observe the other one more carefully, genuinely ask and listen to his or her thoughts, feel his or her emotions, understanding our fears…we f. run! That’s what we’ve seen in our own families as children, that form of non-communication way as a form of punishment.
Is this a pattern we run towards endlessly or is it just a phase, a validation call in midlife times? Do we run with hope to be catched behind and begged to come home? Or do we run towards the instinctual freedom?
Till we find out…take care!