How to reply when you like and reject someone at the same time?
I have the same hesitation in writing you back as you probably had it yourself. I don’t really know what to tell you, how to begin or to go on. Although I wish I could tell you so much from the things I kept inside for such a long time.
Our once upon a time relationship seems so far away that even the reason for its breakup seems insignificant now. I was definitely another person then, more enthusiastic or childish (how you might call it). But also more honest and with less shallow embroidery gained simultaneously with the so called maturity.
I would like you to know that it did not hurt me so much that you judged me, but more that you didn’t even try to accept or better understand our relationship. For a long time I had the feeling that you were the more childish ones and I wish I could take it all as a joke.
Only later on I realized that your reaction was more of a statement which showed your total disapproval of our choice.
That was even more painful if I consider our passionate emails which apparently were heading towards another direction. In a moment of anger I deleted them all. I did not want to review or remember something so fake and hypocrite. Then I calmed down and put everything aside…for a while…until I missed you again and called you.
I don’t remember exactly when, maybe a year or two ago, but you didn’t answer. You probably changed your number or something.
I think there is no need for forgiveness, here and now, it is a too heavy word for me to carry and I don’t feel able to hold it for now. Maybe we just need to be honest and trust each other a bit more…maybe we can make it.
We could even try to take care…