I recently finished reading a book about parenting – The Danish way of parenting – written by the American author Jessica Alexander, married to a Danish guy and a Danish therapist, Iben Sandahl.
Starting with the assumption that the Danes are the happiest people on Earth for the last 40 years, they wanted to find out why and what makes them so happy.
So, here there are the main principles of happiness from a Danish perspective structured on an easy to remember acronym: PARENT!
They are very useful if you manage to apply them and integrate them in your everyday life.
P comes from Play which brings joy and reduces stress and anxiety in children.
Play gives the growing child the cognitive ability to solve problems and deal with conflicts, the emotional ability to withstand hardships and accept rules, the social ability to help others and negotiate, and the physical ability to carry all the way through.
A means Authenticity which fosters trust and an “inner compass”.
Do not overpraise your children, because kids can’t make sense of too many compliments which can sound empty and hollow. Focus on the task, rather than over-complimenting the child.
Helping children build on the feeling of being able to master a skill rather than already being a master provides a more solid foundation to stand on and grow from. This promotes inner strength, fosters the good potential and resilience.
Being truthful to ourselves makes us more able to give and receive, it makes us value more what we have.
Today it is ok to talk about difficult issues. Stories about the struggles of life do really help foster resilient and happy children. They make children understand the whole spectrum of life.
R reflects Reframing (Changing perspective), or in other words…see the full side of the glass and always look at the bright side of life.
Being able to nuance an already locked and negative thought pattern is a significant tool for creating greater happiness and satisfaction for yourself and your child through our use of language.
Once we master the ability to reformulate or redefine our negative language usage, we gather the positive stories in which we succeed. It’s not about eliminating negative events (that’s often misunderstood) – they all come true – it’s just about seeing the same subject in more shades than in just one color.
E mirrors Empathy which allows us to act with kindness toward others.
If we are less critical we understand both our vulnerability and of others, which brings us closer and helps us build profound forgiven relationships, which ultimately makes us happier.
Empathy teaches children respect for themselves and others which leads to a better self-esteem.
N says No to ultimatums! no more power struggles, lines in the sand, or resentment.
When parents are bossy, trust and closeness to our children are replaced by fear. It can work on short term basis, but can be very harmful on a long run. Showing more diplomacy, respect and understanding to our kids helps them understand and respect the rules, develop a better sense of self-control and later on become emotionally balanced adults.
T brings Togetherness & Hygge
Having close, safe and trustful relationships is the main key to happiness.
Hygge is a way to celebrate family time, on special occasions and every day. It’s a fun, cozy way to foster closeness. Preparing meals together, playing favorite games, taking care of each other and sharing other family traditions are all Hygge. (Cell phones, bickering, and complaining are not allowed!) – see also the Hygge oath
All things considered, I can’t help wondering…if Danes are so happy, why is the suicide rate in this country so high? Maybe it’s the weather 😉
Enjoy it and take care of yourself and others!